I'm Confused.. Am I on an Online Dating Site or an Online Hook-up Site?

I'm sure that everyone knows at least one person who has met their 'soul mate' on an online dating site.  Perhaps it's those success stories, though seemingly few and far between, that keep drawing people back in.  I'm not so proud to say that I am one of those people who was lured back in, with dreamy aspirations of meeting my prince charming, as he rides in on his white steed, swooping me up and we ride off into Never Never Land.  Obviously, I need a strong dose of reality, because it's become quite clear in the past few days, that all there seems to be out there are frogs, or more accurately, toads.. with gigantic warts.. and I know that if you dared to kiss them, they WOULD NOT turn into a prince..

To be fair, there have been a few guys that have emailed a few times that so far, appear not to be axe murderers or toads.. of course, bear in mind that I haven't actually met any of them in person yet, so I guess that still remains to be seen.  At any rate, I'm just thankful for the little bit of normal conversations I've had with them.  However, for every 'normal' guy that messages me, there are at least 10 not normal guys.  For those who aren't great with math, that's only a ratio of 10:1.  Clearly, the numbers are stacked against me.  Below are some messages I received from one of the NOT normal guys earlier tonight.  Caution: you may be disturbed by what you are about to read.. okay, not really.. you'll probably just laugh, like I did.. after the initial shock wore off..

Mr. Toad(not his real name, of course, I'm sure you knew this already)
You wanna bump uglies?


Me, after I read it, and reread it about fifteen times...
Are you serious???


Mr. Toad:
I'm serious, are you?(he asks 'are you?' like I was the one that asked him the question??)


Me:
No, I'm most definitely NOT serious.  I'm offended actually.  Do I look like I'm the kind of girl that would 'bump uglies'(as you so eloquently put it), and no need to mention the fact that I DO NOT know you and that my first contact with you before now, has been on the internet..


If you Google it, I'm sure you will find that there are other sites out there that are much more suited to what you are looking for.. just saying.

I think he must have taken my advice to heart and started Googling, because oddly enough, he never responded to my last message...

FIVE PEAS IN A BOX: Hurry!! Before you miss your chance to win!!

http://www.thefreebiejunkie.com/2011/06/come-enter-blog-bash-giveaway-150-blog.html?showComment=1308929561319#c3653879021961964214

Hurry!! Before you miss your chance to win!!

If you're not familiar with blog giveaways, you should make a point to become very good friends with them.  I'm surprised by just how many there are, and what great prize packages they give away.  I hadn't realized what great opportunities there were to possibly win some really great items until I began doing some blog hopping to help drive traffic to my new blog.  I've seen prize packages ranging from Amazon, Target, and itunes gift cards, to $120 swimsuits.. even an entire swing set!  

Usually the the requirements for entering these contests are very simple.. most asking that you follow their blog on Google friend connect or like their Facebook page, and you are able to earn extra entries by following them on Twitter and liking their sponsor's Facebook pages.

In addition, every blog I've entered giveaways on is full of great tips and information, from how to save money, to advice on monetizing your blog or website, and recipes.  I'll be adding more giveaways as I come across them, so keep your eye out for my updated posts, and make sure you enter quickly, as most of the giveaways are only up for a very limited time, usually a week or less.

Todays giveaway is from The Freebie Junkie and is part of the Blog Bash Giveaways, which features over 150 bloggers, all giving away prize packages worth over a $100 or more!  This giveaway blitz is only good unitl June 26th.. so that's not much time to enter all of them, but if you apply yourself, I have no doubt you can do it!!   Each blogger participating will have the list of links for every giveaway, so it's very easy to hop from one to the next.

The Freebie Junkie giveaways are:

• A $26 gift certificate for Cake Sugar Designs (these look scrumptous!)
• Purple Trail~custom made invitations and cards
• $30 gift certificate to Ties.com
• The 4th addition of the book, What to expect when you're expecting

All you need to do to enter is like their page on Facebook and leave a comment saying what your favorite occasion to celebrate is!  Don't forget to leave your email address in comments as well so you can be contacted if you win.  You can also earn extra entries for following on Google and Twitter.. and blogging about their giveaway.. which is what I just did! :)

You can enter HERE

Isn't it just tragic..?

When I started my journey over two years ago as a divorced, single mom, I was filled with promises of all the possibilities.  I was leaving behind me a life filled with criticism, control, and a life that had been tainted with an emotional burden so heavy, that when I look back on those years; I marvel that I made it through with a sound mind and body.

The incredible rush of my new found freedom gave me a skip to my steps; I felt invincible.  Looking ahead, I could see nothing but meadows of possibilities.. oh the things that I will do. I will prove him wrong, I'll go on to live a successful and fulfilling life.  I will learn how to take care of myself.  I can take care of myself.  These thoughts provided me with contentment and satisfaction.  However, as grand as my beliefs were, when it came down to it, I had no idea how to turn my imagination into my reality.

As the days have progressed, my once light and joyful attitude became encumbered with the everyday heaviness of life, of living.  Soon, it began to be clear to me, that even though I was free from where I came from; my freedom did not come without a price.  A price that I struggle everyday trying to will myself to figure out how to pay it.  How does a woman who's husband controlled every aspect of her life, learn how to take back her control and power within herself?
 
How does a woman who is told she will never make it without him, learn to quiet that voice in her head, that mercilessly taunts her from morning until night?

How does a woman who is told she's stupid, convince herself that she isn't?
How does a woman who has no clue how to take care of herself, take care of herself?  I feel as if I'm standing on this precipice.  As I look before me, I'm in awe at the incredibly stunning view before me.  The view I see is one of all the many thousands, perhaps even millions, of possibilities in front of me.  My heart races with the anticipation of reaching even a few.. and then my heart cries because I realize that even though I know I want to get there, I can't find a way.  So, I stand there broken and shaking, wistfully looking before me.  Knowing I should just leap from this cliff I stand on, but not knowing how to get there once I do.
 
Physically, I am free.  Emotionally, I am not.. I live there everyday inside of myself, feeling completely inadequate and overwhelmed.  And as time ticks away, my anxieties and uncertainties become even more amplified as bills begin piling up.. worries about having enough food for the kids to eat.  The guilt I have because there's no money to take my kids to do anything fun this summer.. two birthdays coming up in weeks and I have no idea how or where I'll come up with money for their gifts.

So I'm left with my thoughts as they devour me from the inside out.. he was right.. I can't do this.  I've failed. I'm utterly incapable.  So pathetic.. so tragic.

The Stupid Side of Online Dating...

Sad, but oh so true..

For all of the many positive things that came from my divorce, I've found that trying to date again hasn't been one of them.  I remember at first being so excited to date, thinking of all the cute, sweet single men out there... however, nobody ever tells you that it's damn near impossible to find a guy who isn't unemployed, an alcoholic, or a narcissist.  

Below you will find a perfect example of the stupid side of dating.  Notice the wording of his message titles..

From: cs.. (View Profile)

Subject: DEFINATELY CUTENSASSY! Sent Date: 1/3/2011 1:37:47 AM

I really enjoyed your profile, It is refreshing and sort of sexy.  

I am Chad in Brainerd. Yes, I can send a pict, but it has to 

be email, or text, because my phone don't let me upload picts.

I won't dissapoint you!

From: cs.. (View Profile)

Subject: THAT'S NICE!  Sent Date: 1/3/2011 2:09:45 AM

I reach out to you, and u blow me off! 

YOU probably just lost the opportunity to 

meet the best man you'd ever meet. Your 

loss!

Reply

From:  cutensass.. (View Profile)

Subject: RE: THAT'S NICE! Sent Date: 1/3/2011 2:17:35 AM

Are you kidding me? Just so you know, I always go through all of 

my emails first, and then go back and reply to those that 

interested me, not that I owe YOU any explanations.. and you should know that I was going to going to reply to your message.  Consider this your one and only reply.

And here's some advice, you can take it or leave it.. but, one should 

never presume to know another person's  intentions.. and sending messages 

like you just sent me isn't gong to endear you to any woman.

From:  cs.. (View Profile)

Subject: ASK ME NOW! Sent Date: 1/3/2011 2:30:40 AM

So ok then, good luck good bye! No love loss here. Then,

Reply

From:  cutensass.. (View Profile)

Subject: RE: ASK ME NOW!  Sent Date: 1/3/2011 2:31:30 AM

Dude.. you have some serious issues

From: cs.. (View Profile)

Subject: WHAT? Sent Date: 1/3/2011 2:33:55 AM

 No I really don't, I am a good, honest, out going man, who are u to pre judge, 

and its so disrespectful to call people dude

Reply

From:  cutensass.. (View Profile)

Subject: RE:WHAT?  Sent Date: 1/3/2011 2:39:56 AM

Now that's the pot calling the kettle black isn't it.. if you read above, it seems it was just a few short messages ago that you judged me... just 

saying,  DUDE..

From:  cs.. (View Profile)

Subject:  BUMS ME OUT!  Sent Date: 1/3/2011 2:41:44 AM

I really found u attractive. But since u 

have formed a false opinion already, there 

is no chance? So its best I just say I'm 

sorry and wish u the best. I wish we 

could of started off on good terms!!

Reply

From:  cutensass.. (View Profile)

Subject: RE: BUMS ME OUT!  Sent Date: 1/3/2011 2:43:28 AM

Yeah, well you have no one to blame but yourself for the terms we 

started out on... and good luck in your search as well... you'll need all

the luck you can get!

From: cs.. (View Profile)

Subject: WHATEVER!  Sent Date: 1/3/2011 2:46:26 AM

 Good bye.

From:  cutensass.. (View Profile)

Subject:  RE: WHATEVER!  Sent Date: 1/3/2011 2:48:45 AM

Auf Wiedersehen!

From: cs (View Profile)

Subject:  PLEASE STOP U ARE ANNOYING ME NOW! Sent Date: 1/3/2011 2:54:30 AM

Gotta have the last word huh dude? No more messages ok?

Reply

From:  cutensass.. (View Profile)

Subject:  RE: PLEASE STOP U ARE ANNOYING ME NOW!  Sent Date: 1/3/2011 2:56:07 AM

I'm really annoying you?! Wow, I so wasn't going for that either, 

sigh... oh well, and no more messages.. I pinkie promise!

The next day...

From: cs.. (View Profile)

Subject: I'M SORRY, I OVERREACTED! Sent Date: 1/04/2011 9:56:21 AM

I'm sorry for how I acted yesterday, I still think you're really cute n sassy! Can we meet sometime?


After reading his apology(which I'm sure was very sincere..), I made the decision to not reply. I figured I'd probably have better luck finding a more stable man at the state mental hospital. I hit DELETE and moved on to my next message...

Has anyone had experiences similar to this on a dating site? If so, how did you respond?

No matter how love-sick a woman is, she shouldn't take the first pill that comes along.

~Joyce Brothers

Hedgehog Dilemma - A dating analogy?

Have you ever heard of the Hedgehog Dilemma?  I first heard of this analogy today when I was talking to a friend about her dating life.  She was venting to me about the typical relationship paradox that's all too familiar to most of us.  How, when we finally decide to take a chance with someone, and let our guard down..  how it always seems we end up getting hurt.  I listened to my friend describe her newest dating fiasco, thinking to myself.. been there, done that, sigh.  She ended her tale with this: 'Oh well, what can I do? It's the typical hedgehog dilemma.'  Never having heard this expression before, I asked her what she meant by 'hedgehog dilemma'?  She seemed genuinely surprised that I hadn't heard of it.  She explained that it was an analogy used to describe the perils of dating and intimate relationships.  I found myself wondering if was better to be a porcupine or a hedgehog.. or are they the same? I know that porcupine can shoot their quills out from their body.  I'm not entirely sure, but I don't think that hedgehogs have that same talent, though I could be wrong.  If I'm correct, then it would probably be better to be a hedgehog.  I should probably be worried that I'm even having this debate with myself right now...

Well, anyone who knows me, knows that once something piques my interest, I will have no peace in my life until I do some research.. so, of course, I Googled it.  Wikipedia had an interesting definition:

The hedgehog's dilemma, or sometimes the porcupine dilemma, is an analogy about the challenges of human intimacy. It describes a situation in which a group of hedgehogs all seek to become close to one another in order to share their heat during cold weather. However, once accomplished, they cannot avoid hurting one another with their sharp quills. They must step away from one another. Though they all share the intention of a close reciprocal relationship, this may not occur for reasons which they cannot avoid.

Both Arthur Schopenhauer and Sigmund Freud have used this situation to describe what they feel is the state an individual will find themselves in relation to others. The hedgehog's dilemma suggests that despite goodwill, human intimacy cannot occur without substantial mutual harm, and what results is cautious behavior and weak relationships. With the hedgehog's dilemma one is recommended to use moderation in the affairs with others both because it is in self-interest, and also out of consideration for others.

Maybe it's just me, but after reading above.. I find the whole love thing sort of depressing.  Really, what hope do we have if we are, in fact hedgehogs?  Couldn't we just be soft, fluffy bunnies instead?

What's your opinion on the Hedgehog Dilemma?  Do you think it's an accurate analogy of love and relationships? 

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love." ~Neil Gaiman

What's that name about anyways..??

Home Sweet Home..

Welcome to my very first post on my blog!  Hopefully you are reading this right now because my awesome internet marketing skills led you here. Okay, I'll admit that my internet marketing skills are, ummm.. sketchy at best, but it's a work in progress!  Of course, when first seeing my blog, you will likely wonder what on earth the name means, or if it means anything at all.  Okay, maybe you won't wonder, but my hope is that you will.  My goal was not only to choose a memorable name for my blog, but one that also has a personal meaning to myself.  I know that I accomplished the latter.  My hope is that I succeeded in the former as well.

In order to explain the meaning behind the name I chose, I need to go back a few years.  As you know from reading my tag line, I'm a single mom.  I wasn't always a single mom, in fact, when I had my oldest son, I was a very married mom.  I was married for a total of 12 very long, agonizing years.  And during that time, I managed to have a total of 4 children.. which accounted for the four times my ex husband(aka the big kahuna) and I actually got along while we were married.. haha!  I'm joking, we got a long at least eight or ten times at minimum.  Now I'm sure you're beginning to understand why those 12 years were so long and agonizing:)

I won't go into all of the tortuous details of my marriage, I plan on writing more about it in subsequent posts.  I will say however, that I was married to a control freak, who's favorite hobby was to put me down and belittle me every chance he could get.  In fact, he still enjoys his past time of choice post divorce. I know, you're all wondering how I go so lucky, right?  Now, back to why I chose the name I did.. the 'five' is pretty self explanatory.. myself and my four kids.  I chose peas because I kept coming back to that expression 'two peas in a pod'.  My kids and I are close, even more so after getting divorced, as I have them more of the time.  I'm still the main parent running them to activities and drs. appointments, though, I will say that my ex has gotten a little better about some of that.. 

So, of course, I was thinking of just using the name 'five peas in a pod'.. and no.. it wasn't original at all, and would be totally expected.  Then I moved on to 'five peas in a bucket', which I loved, a lot.  However, I really couldn't find anything in my life that would make using 'bucket' significant to me.. unless I counted the time my ex and I were painting the kids' room and some paint got spilled on the the floor and my cat walked through it.. leaving a trail of little teeny paw prints all the way down the hall.  Now, I was really upset about those painted paw prints on my hallway carpet.. but that really had nothing to do with my life as a whole, nor with my ex.


So, I sat.. forcing my brain to think.. think of a word that theoretically five peas could be in, that would also mean something to me.. and then it hit me! BOX!  It's actually a funny and sad meaning all wrapped up into one.. you see, since the day our divorce was final, the big kahuna has said to me a gazillion times.. within 2 years, you'll be living in a cardboard box.. you'll never make it without me.  For the most part, I just put his sinister premonition out of my head.. but I'd be lying if I told you that it didn't stick with me on some level.  It most definitely did.  It's been a constant battle inside myself, to keep myself from believing his cryptic words.  I've had moments of sheer panic, thinking.. wow, he was right.. I'm going to lose everything.  But, somehow, I have managed to keep everything together, though barely at times.  


I will prove him wrong.  I will make at least four years before I have to live in a cardboard box...  and honestly, if I could get a box like  the one the picture.. it might not be so bad, with some curtains and flower boxes.. it would be pretty homey ;)


I love quotes! In fact I have a Facebook Page of quotes.  I'll be ending all of my posts with a related quote.  If you enjoyed my first blog entry, please comment below to let me know!  And don't forget to subscribe and share:)

You must have control of the authorship of your own destiny. The pen that writes your life story must be held in your own hand. ~Irene C. Kassorla