I'm Confused.. Am I on an Online Dating Site or an Online Hook-up Site?

I'm sure that everyone knows at least one person who has met their 'soul mate' on an online dating site.  Perhaps it's those success stories, though seemingly few and far between, that keep drawing people back in.  I'm not so proud to say that I am one of those people who was lured back in, with dreamy aspirations of meeting my prince charming, as he rides in on his white steed, swooping me up and we ride off into Never Never Land.  Obviously, I need a strong dose of reality, because it's become quite clear in the past few days, that all there seems to be out there are frogs, or more accurately, toads.. with gigantic warts.. and I know that if you dared to kiss them, they WOULD NOT turn into a prince..

To be fair, there have been a few guys that have emailed a few times that so far, appear not to be axe murderers or toads.. of course, bear in mind that I haven't actually met any of them in person yet, so I guess that still remains to be seen.  At any rate, I'm just thankful for the little bit of normal conversations I've had with them.  However, for every 'normal' guy that messages me, there are at least 10 not normal guys.  For those who aren't great with math, that's only a ratio of 10:1.  Clearly, the numbers are stacked against me.  Below are some messages I received from one of the NOT normal guys earlier tonight.  Caution: you may be disturbed by what you are about to read.. okay, not really.. you'll probably just laugh, like I did.. after the initial shock wore off..

Mr. Toad(not his real name, of course, I'm sure you knew this already)
You wanna bump uglies?


Me, after I read it, and reread it about fifteen times...
Are you serious???


Mr. Toad:
I'm serious, are you?(he asks 'are you?' like I was the one that asked him the question??)


Me:
No, I'm most definitely NOT serious.  I'm offended actually.  Do I look like I'm the kind of girl that would 'bump uglies'(as you so eloquently put it), and no need to mention the fact that I DO NOT know you and that my first contact with you before now, has been on the internet..


If you Google it, I'm sure you will find that there are other sites out there that are much more suited to what you are looking for.. just saying.

I think he must have taken my advice to heart and started Googling, because oddly enough, he never responded to my last message...

The Stupid Side of Online Dating...

Sad, but oh so true..

For all of the many positive things that came from my divorce, I've found that trying to date again hasn't been one of them.  I remember at first being so excited to date, thinking of all the cute, sweet single men out there... however, nobody ever tells you that it's damn near impossible to find a guy who isn't unemployed, an alcoholic, or a narcissist.  

Below you will find a perfect example of the stupid side of dating.  Notice the wording of his message titles..

From: cs.. (View Profile)

Subject: DEFINATELY CUTENSASSY! Sent Date: 1/3/2011 1:37:47 AM

I really enjoyed your profile, It is refreshing and sort of sexy.  

I am Chad in Brainerd. Yes, I can send a pict, but it has to 

be email, or text, because my phone don't let me upload picts.

I won't dissapoint you!

From: cs.. (View Profile)

Subject: THAT'S NICE!  Sent Date: 1/3/2011 2:09:45 AM

I reach out to you, and u blow me off! 

YOU probably just lost the opportunity to 

meet the best man you'd ever meet. Your 

loss!

Reply

From:  cutensass.. (View Profile)

Subject: RE: THAT'S NICE! Sent Date: 1/3/2011 2:17:35 AM

Are you kidding me? Just so you know, I always go through all of 

my emails first, and then go back and reply to those that 

interested me, not that I owe YOU any explanations.. and you should know that I was going to going to reply to your message.  Consider this your one and only reply.

And here's some advice, you can take it or leave it.. but, one should 

never presume to know another person's  intentions.. and sending messages 

like you just sent me isn't gong to endear you to any woman.

From:  cs.. (View Profile)

Subject: ASK ME NOW! Sent Date: 1/3/2011 2:30:40 AM

So ok then, good luck good bye! No love loss here. Then,

Reply

From:  cutensass.. (View Profile)

Subject: RE: ASK ME NOW!  Sent Date: 1/3/2011 2:31:30 AM

Dude.. you have some serious issues

From: cs.. (View Profile)

Subject: WHAT? Sent Date: 1/3/2011 2:33:55 AM

 No I really don't, I am a good, honest, out going man, who are u to pre judge, 

and its so disrespectful to call people dude

Reply

From:  cutensass.. (View Profile)

Subject: RE:WHAT?  Sent Date: 1/3/2011 2:39:56 AM

Now that's the pot calling the kettle black isn't it.. if you read above, it seems it was just a few short messages ago that you judged me... just 

saying,  DUDE..

From:  cs.. (View Profile)

Subject:  BUMS ME OUT!  Sent Date: 1/3/2011 2:41:44 AM

I really found u attractive. But since u 

have formed a false opinion already, there 

is no chance? So its best I just say I'm 

sorry and wish u the best. I wish we 

could of started off on good terms!!

Reply

From:  cutensass.. (View Profile)

Subject: RE: BUMS ME OUT!  Sent Date: 1/3/2011 2:43:28 AM

Yeah, well you have no one to blame but yourself for the terms we 

started out on... and good luck in your search as well... you'll need all

the luck you can get!

From: cs.. (View Profile)

Subject: WHATEVER!  Sent Date: 1/3/2011 2:46:26 AM

 Good bye.

From:  cutensass.. (View Profile)

Subject:  RE: WHATEVER!  Sent Date: 1/3/2011 2:48:45 AM

Auf Wiedersehen!

From: cs (View Profile)

Subject:  PLEASE STOP U ARE ANNOYING ME NOW! Sent Date: 1/3/2011 2:54:30 AM

Gotta have the last word huh dude? No more messages ok?

Reply

From:  cutensass.. (View Profile)

Subject:  RE: PLEASE STOP U ARE ANNOYING ME NOW!  Sent Date: 1/3/2011 2:56:07 AM

I'm really annoying you?! Wow, I so wasn't going for that either, 

sigh... oh well, and no more messages.. I pinkie promise!

The next day...

From: cs.. (View Profile)

Subject: I'M SORRY, I OVERREACTED! Sent Date: 1/04/2011 9:56:21 AM

I'm sorry for how I acted yesterday, I still think you're really cute n sassy! Can we meet sometime?


After reading his apology(which I'm sure was very sincere..), I made the decision to not reply. I figured I'd probably have better luck finding a more stable man at the state mental hospital. I hit DELETE and moved on to my next message...

Has anyone had experiences similar to this on a dating site? If so, how did you respond?

No matter how love-sick a woman is, she shouldn't take the first pill that comes along.

~Joyce Brothers

Hedgehog Dilemma - A dating analogy?

Have you ever heard of the Hedgehog Dilemma?  I first heard of this analogy today when I was talking to a friend about her dating life.  She was venting to me about the typical relationship paradox that's all too familiar to most of us.  How, when we finally decide to take a chance with someone, and let our guard down..  how it always seems we end up getting hurt.  I listened to my friend describe her newest dating fiasco, thinking to myself.. been there, done that, sigh.  She ended her tale with this: 'Oh well, what can I do? It's the typical hedgehog dilemma.'  Never having heard this expression before, I asked her what she meant by 'hedgehog dilemma'?  She seemed genuinely surprised that I hadn't heard of it.  She explained that it was an analogy used to describe the perils of dating and intimate relationships.  I found myself wondering if was better to be a porcupine or a hedgehog.. or are they the same? I know that porcupine can shoot their quills out from their body.  I'm not entirely sure, but I don't think that hedgehogs have that same talent, though I could be wrong.  If I'm correct, then it would probably be better to be a hedgehog.  I should probably be worried that I'm even having this debate with myself right now...

Well, anyone who knows me, knows that once something piques my interest, I will have no peace in my life until I do some research.. so, of course, I Googled it.  Wikipedia had an interesting definition:

The hedgehog's dilemma, or sometimes the porcupine dilemma, is an analogy about the challenges of human intimacy. It describes a situation in which a group of hedgehogs all seek to become close to one another in order to share their heat during cold weather. However, once accomplished, they cannot avoid hurting one another with their sharp quills. They must step away from one another. Though they all share the intention of a close reciprocal relationship, this may not occur for reasons which they cannot avoid.

Both Arthur Schopenhauer and Sigmund Freud have used this situation to describe what they feel is the state an individual will find themselves in relation to others. The hedgehog's dilemma suggests that despite goodwill, human intimacy cannot occur without substantial mutual harm, and what results is cautious behavior and weak relationships. With the hedgehog's dilemma one is recommended to use moderation in the affairs with others both because it is in self-interest, and also out of consideration for others.

Maybe it's just me, but after reading above.. I find the whole love thing sort of depressing.  Really, what hope do we have if we are, in fact hedgehogs?  Couldn't we just be soft, fluffy bunnies instead?

What's your opinion on the Hedgehog Dilemma?  Do you think it's an accurate analogy of love and relationships? 

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love." ~Neil Gaiman